Main Aur Meri Tanhai !!!

Living in seclusion. Those who know me are very much aware of this dream of mine. How much I love spending time with myself, sitting there all alone with no one to bother you, chatting with yourself and just that feeling of being in peace and quiet. I really hate crowd and all the commotion and clamour which comes along the package. I think this is also some kind of a phobia but really whatever it is I can’t handle such stuffs for too long. But call it irony or whatever, God always makes you do things, you kind of hate the most. Maybe it is for our own good that we find ourselves in such adverse conditions and in turn devise some mechanism to survive in unpropitious scenarios. I also managed to find some means to get along this problem and my solution were my earphones and my ipod. Whenever I am out there, almost all the time I am hooked on to my beloved earphones. That’s my way of blocking out outer world from my precious, unadulterated inner garden.


Now whenever I try to sit down and analyze this situation of mine, that why I like being alone so much? Almost every second person finds it amazing and strange that how am I managing living all alone in my flat and not only that but at the same time loving it as well. For those who are not aware of my present living situation, yes I am all alone in my home here in Pune as my dear brother betrayed me and shifted to Delhi :P … Man is a social animal and he needs people around him, to support him, to laugh with him, cry with him and to share life with him. Yes I agree with all these stuff, but for me all these things are a bit overrated. Try something before you completely reject it. What I feel, hold most of us back whenever we think of doing something of our own, is that fear of what if, I require something from someone and that doubt on one’s ability. Living alone and blocking people out of your life is also not easy and again the reason which I feel is, human selfishness. We always have those ifs and buts in the back of our mind. It’s a general behavior that if you block out someone from your life, you won’t find the importance in theirs also, and then that selfish self creeps his head up that what if I need him/her in the future, obviously that person will be more than willing to reciprocate the hospitality you conveyed in the first place and then you find yourself wanting. I ask why in the first place you want help of somebody you rendered unimportant in your life in the first place. They say keep your friends close but enemies closer but I say keep your dear ones close, be it family or those special bunch of friends not close but in your heart and rest should be invisible to you. Keep the people who matters to you happy and be the reason of their happiness.


Now coming back to my own situation here. My parents specially, were quite worried and they still are that I am living here all by myself. What will happen if I fall sick or face any other such problem are the major point of concern for them. To be honest, I also found it strange when I started this new chapter in my life. When my brother left, for a day or two it felt strange. Don’t know what that feeling was. Was it sadness or the fact that I was like a ghost roaming around in empty rooms with no one whom I can disturb or irritate. I accept that for a day or two I felt real bad, I didn’t know that something which I always wanted to do will be so tough to start off with. Though in college also I had single room but that was something different as my friends were just next to me but this time I was really alone. But after 2-3 days things changed, I started enjoying that calm and quiet I talked about. By this I don’t mean that my bro was a chatter box or any kind of a disturbance, that thing apply to me actually, but being alone brought me more closer to Rishabh Joshi. I started interacting more with him, which ofcourse allowed me to know him better and really what an awesome guy… :P.. jokes apart but seriously I started thinking more and talking more with myself. It gave me time to reflect on certain things, my days work, my approach to different situations, my relations, everything. Living alone, I think has also helped me become more responsible. Yeah I know it may sound completely opposite, coz you might be thinking what responsibilities a person living alone can have. But for me, taking care of myself only was a daunting task. I didn’t realize earlier but I was quite free from any major worries till the time my bro was here. Rent, bills or for the fact bringing breakfast all was taken care by him. But now all has to be done by this tiny soul… uff sara kaam mujhe hi karna padta hai … safai bhi, shopping bhi .. and its not only about 1 kilo namak. But again its nice and exciting but yeah, a little expansive. But all this is necessary. I go on telling people about my plans for future and how I long for those secluded far reaches, those beautiful shreds of heaven on earth and if I seriously want to pursue that, these stuffs are not necessary but compulsory. I don’t know whether I really would be able to do all that, yes I know it will be tough and extremely challenging and will require sacrifices of all sorts but I think all that will be worth doing. All that we’ll see in future, what turn life takes who knows. You always find yourself in situations you expect least to happen with you, at least for me planning is of no use. So expect nothing, live frugally on surprises and don’t be afraid if you have to be alone, give it a shot coz in seclusion lies the closeness of one’s soul.

Cheers
RJ